The emotional seeds we feed
There are many emotions we experience in life. Not all easy ones. Anger and fear are two of these emotions. So are gratitude and compassion.
We have the seeds of all emotions within us — even violent ones. This is difficult to acknowledge let alone digest but ancient wisdom traditions including yoga convey its truth.
So which seeds are we acknowledging and which ones are we feeding?
Years ago, one of my life teachers conducted a student experience whereby she asked us to go sit in one of four corners of the room.
‘Go to the 1st corner if you think you DO experience the emotion of anger but DO NOT feel content with how it’s expressed.’
‘Go to the 2nd corner if you think you DO NOT experience anger but ARE NOT content with it.’
‘Go to the 3rd corner if you think you DO NOT experience anger and are content with it.’
‘Go to the 4th corner if you think you DO experience the emotion of anger and are content with the way you express it.’
I first went to the corner of thinking I DID NOT experience anger but wasn’t happy with how it was expressed, and she even gave us a second chance to move to a different corner. I then moved to the corner where I claimed I DID NOT experience anger and was fine about it. Most people either went to the corners of experiencing anger and satisfied or not satisfied with the way they worked through it.
It was a pivotal moment for me once I heard more from my teacher. She inquired about habit patterns we develop over our lifetime based on many variables. Our genetics, family dynamics, culture, friends, vocation we choose, socioeconomic status. The list goes on. She did not say one corner was the right corner, and at the time I sincerely thought I didn’t have the seed of anger in me. Since then, I have had time to reflect on this including a regular daily meditation practice for several years.
Looking back at this experience, I now know that I DO in fact experience anger but have, more often than not, squashed it down as far as I can. This has been a pattern for many years. It has resurfaced in unhelpful ways and by not acknowledging my anger, I consider it part of the reason I eventually have fallen into a depressive state over the years.
What my teacher has reiterated in various ways is that the acknowledgement and expression of difficult emotions such as anger is important, but it does not mean we get into full blown fights with whomever is at the brunt of it. Instead, we must stand back for a few moments before we react and look deeper as to why this is surfacing? Often it’s from past hurt. So these days, I try to acknowledge anger however uncomfortable it is when I feel it and try to ascertain what is really going on. I’m also conscious of not overfeeding the seeds of anger. Whenever possible, I meditate on it. Then I respond in a way that feels more authentic.
For me, having family members that have overtly expressed anger contributed to my difficulty with it. I thought it was bad and even dangerous. In addition, being a yoga and meditation teacher, there are generalised depictions of someone who is always calm and never angry. This could not be further from the truth. We are all human. Being angry as a parent is another area whereby it rears its ugly head and for too many years, I pushed it down. Over these years, it manifested in other ways.
Another emotion that is uncomfortable that I feel a lot of the time is fear. Fear from the past. Fear of the future. We all have some semblance of fear. It is what keeps us alive from an evolutionary point of view. It gets us to fight or take flight. We can also freeze from it.
When I feel a sense of fear, I experience it in both my thoughts and body. My breath too. Thoughts are a derivative of ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I haven’t accomplished enough’ or ‘I won’t be able to do this or that’. My chest feels intense constriction. At its worst, it’s like someone squeezing the life out of me.
Whether it’s to do with our life partners, family, friends, work circumstances or societal realities, fear is something we must become more comfortable feeling. But not over feeding!
I have adopted a learning from a Buddhist point of view. When we experience suffering, two arrows fly our way. The first arrow strikes, and we can’t always control the first arrow. But we can exercise choice and control of the second arrow which causes us more suffering on top of the initial suffering. That is our own arrow. This has a lot of wisdom. As an example, when I hear troubling news about someone I love, I suffer. Yet, the next level of suffering will be based on the seeds I feed from that time.
Gratitude and compassion have been positive emotions that I’ve included in daily practice. Whether it’s simple thankfulness toward a bloom outside or something in nature, the walk I’ve had with my dogs Sparky and Indi, connecting with a friend, or witnessing someone coming to a yoga or meditation session for the first time, I regularly feed the seed of gratitude.
Feeding the seed of compassion is also beneficial. Compassion is a positive emotion whereby we can feel for others, even those whom we have had feelings of anger toward. It could be related to our personal lives or world events. Realising that everyone suffers, we can practice compassion even at these difficult times. Compassion can become a daily practice and is more influential in the longer term. When we acknowledge that we feel the full range of emotions, even the hard ones, we can then choose to feed the seeds that lead us toward a greater state of wellbeing.